SCANDALOUS | Guilty Pleasures' Newsletter
Advice Columnist
August 2017
Lifeguarding with Mitis
Sometimes we struggle to hold ourselves above the churning waters of life and while we want to try our best to do it alone, a friend may just be the lifeboat that'll save us. I'd like to be that lifeboat for all of you readers; a friend you can look toward when you feel lost and confused. Or the friend you'd like to ask for advice when the path forks in front of you.
Welcome to Lifeguarding with Mitis, the second installment of Scandalous' advice session that I hope will help not just those who have asked the questions, but all of you who may be feeling the same way. Our questions for today have to do with acceptance and favoring certain roleplays. Please remember that these questions are asked anonymously unless specifically requested. Thank you very much!
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1. I'm just struggling to feel like I'm involved enough in anything that I love. If I truly love something, shouldn't I do everything I can to make it even better? How can I contribute to making communities awesome when no one seems to accept me?
I connect strongly with this question for a variety of reasons, but mainly with my university's community and theirhonorable efforts to make our world a brighter place. I've met hundreds of people who have helped my university rebuild the community around us; from repairing houses to teaching at neighboring schools, my university works hard to help the city people's lives. I watch all of these people smile and laugh while they work tirelessly, and I wish I could do the same. I love the community immensely, despite its shortcomings, and I want to contribute in any way I can. However, my anxiety and social issues prevent me from going out and helping; these problems prevent me from helping those in need. I worry that people will turn me away and disregard me, even while wanting to help and working with them for the greater good. I am scared of not being accepted like the rest of them, scared of being an outcast in a group of people just like me.
At this point in your life, and my life, we need to turn our ears away from what other people say and just do what we love. There is a common saying, "Who cares what anyone else thinks?" Amusingly, I say that to my friends and continue to worry about what people are thinking, whispering, and saying about me. Forget about acceptance from others; focus on accepting who you are and the person that you want to become. Is it possible that you are contributing in one way, but another action to help said community could be better for you? You choose the way that you want to contribute, but there may be other ways for you that could leave you feeling more influential and accepted.
Be the person you want to be, despite what other people feel or think. Contribute to the community in ways that you know you can, and be proud of what you do. Don't depend on other people to accept you, as long as you accept yourself and all of the work you provide.
2. What do you do when you feel like life is collapsing around you?Take a step back and ask yourself, "What is so wrong with my life?" Why do you feel that your life is collapsing around you and that you cannot control it? Life can weigh down on you with excessive drama and worries that don't necessarily need to exist. Are you the one causing the drama in your life or are you allowing someone else to push you to the brink? Sometimes you need to sit down and look at your life from a 3rd person perspective; list everything out like you are creating an expense page and list everything by importance. What or who do you truly need in your life and how are they contributing to your happiness? Letting people go can be heartbreaking but in the end, it may help you in the long run by removing negativity or sadness.
However, it could be that you are hurting yourself through ways you are not aware of. Is your laziness keeping you from achieving your goals, hanging with your friends, or just obtaining your happiness? While we would like to point the finger at outside sources to protect our pride, there is a time where we as individuals realize that we are keeping ourselves from promoting a life we want. At that moment, it is your responsibility to lift your life up; become your own Atlas and learn to take control rather than hand it off to other people. Believe in yourself and stay true to your wants; your beliefs are what will help you stop this collapse.
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Whether you need others to help you, or you need to help yourself, standing up and working for your savior is the first step towards happiness. You are your Atlas, grasp your life and rebuild it the way you want it to be.Thank you so much for your questions! I hope my responses helped not only those who asked but all of you readers! Please do take the time to ask me more questions whenever you need help. You can either PM me or send in your questions anonymously through here:
July 2017
Lifeguarding with Mitis
Sometimes we struggle to hold ourselves above the churning waters of life and while we want to try our best to do it alone, a friend may just be the lifeboat that'll save us. I'd like to be that lifeboat for all of you readers; a friend you can look toward when you feel lost and confused. Or the friend you'd like to ask for advice when the path forks in front of you.
Welcome to Lifeguarding with Mitis, the second installment of Scandalous' advice session that I hope will help not just those who have asked the questions, but all of you who may be feeling the same way. Our questions for today have to do with acceptance and favoring certain roleplays. Please remember that these questions are asked anonymously unless specifically requested. Thank you very much!
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1. I'm just struggling to feel like I'm involved enough in anything that I love. If I truly love something, shouldn't I do everything I can to make it even better? How can I contribute to making communities awesome when no one seems to accept me?
I connect strongly with this question for a variety of reasons, but mainly with my university's community and theirhonorable efforts to make our world a brighter place. I've met hundreds of people who have helped my university rebuild the community around us; from repairing houses to teaching at neighboring schools, my university works hard to help the city people's lives. I watch all of these people smile and laugh while they work tirelessly, and I wish I could do the same. I love the community immensely, despite its shortcomings, and I want to contribute in any way I can. However, my anxiety and social issues prevent me from going out and helping; these problems prevent me from helping those in need. I worry that people will turn me away and disregard me, even while wanting to help and working with them for the greater good. I am scared of not being accepted like the rest of them, scared of being an outcast in a group of people just like me.
At this point in your life, and my life, we need to turn our ears away from what other people say and just do what we love. There is a common saying, "Who cares what anyone else thinks?" Amusingly, I say that to my friends and continue to worry about what people are thinking, whispering, and saying about me. Forget about acceptance from others; focus on accepting who you are and the person that you want to become. Is it possible that you are contributing in one way, but another action to help said community could be better for you? You choose the way that you want to contribute, but there may be other ways for you that could leave you feeling more influential and accepted.
Be the person you want to be, despite what other people feel or think. Contribute to the community in ways that you know you can, and be proud of what you do. Don't depend on other people to accept you, as long as you accept yourself and all of the work you provide.
2. Dear Mitis: I find that someroleplays take me little to no time to respond, while others take longer. It's not that I don't like the roleplay, but I tend to favor some roleplays over others. Do you think this is unfair for others who may be waiting on me for over a week to respond back? I have that tinge of guilt, but I know I don't want to hurt my roleplay partners' feelings. What is your perspective on this? ~ Anxious and InquisitiveHello,
Anxious and Inquisitive! (I love that, very cute.)
My roleplay partners have currently waited over 2 months to receive any replies to me due to a very upset and fickle muse. I've devolved to a point where I cannot write anything without wanting to shake my keyboard in frustration. I used to write for all of my roleplays quite easily, taking a long time to write since I love to embellish the post with details, rather than from a muse that doesn't want to create worlds. It is immensely frustrating, so I can understand how you feel on this, as I question myself and wonder if it is unfair how I am making all of my great partners wait for so long.
While you may be feeling guilty about it, your partners should take the time to understand that everyone goes through this sort of situation. It isn't disrespectful towards them or your RP if you're struggling to write an amazing post for them while you can easily weave your words for another, it is merely a fact of life and something we cannot control. I used to be very fickle on how long my partners took to reply to our RPs, wanting them to reply at least once a week and to alert me if they were going to be gone for an amount of time surpassing 2 weeks. Nowadays, now that I know how it feels to flail against the grasp of that fickle muse, I don't push my partners at all when waiting for their replies. I try to keep a close, communicative relationship with my partners so that we know when our muses are turning in for the week, or month.
I'd suggest keeping close in touch with your partners, and definitely making this clear from the beginning. Sometimes we run hotter for other RPs while we can barely form a sentence for another. Maybe it is just a sluggish part in the roleplay that you need to surpass to return to that exciting,favorable point. Communication is key in all aspects of life; let them know how you are feeling and I am sure they will understand. But, don't allow your partners to make you feel any worse about the situation, and just move at your pace.
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Thank you so much for your questions! I hope my responses helped not only those who asked but all of you readers! Please do take the time to ask me more questions whenever you need help.
January 2017
Dear Allie,
I have a bad history as far as relationships go, in so far as I have only ever been in one relationship in my life. I asked my best friend out and we dated for nine months before it ended terribly and now I could say I hardly know him anymore because we never talk. Now I’m scared of ever trying to go out with a friend again because I lost a friend along the way last time.
That gets even more confusing when I start incorporating friends from GP. I have quite a few who I talk to outside of GP now on a regular basis and it’s confusing.
Do you have any suggestions on ways to get comfortable with asking friends out? Do you think it is a good idea in general? Is there anything else you might suggest to help me get through this? Anything you might be able to offer would be awesome because I’m completely lost. I certainly feel lost, anyway.
Sincerely,
Someone who trusts your advice
Dear Someone who trusts your advice,
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship ended badly the last time, and to make it worse that the person happened to be your best friend. I wish there was a formula or clear cut answer to tell you what to do, but the truth is, love is hard. You have to go for it and give it everything you've got.
My suggestion would be to communicate with your friend and let your feelings be known. If they feel the same way, you two can discuss the pros and cons of being together. And if not, you're not as likely to ruin a friendship. Just remember that though things aren’t working out now, that one day you’ll meet that special someone who will be more than your lover; he or she will be your true best friend.
Hope that helps!
-Allie
Dear Allie,
What are some great ways to keep a budget. I'm trying to get my finances together for the new year. Any suggestions?
-A Big Spender
Dear Big Spender,
Keeping a budget can be difficult if you’re not careful or self-disciplined, however, you will really thank yourself in the long run for doing it! One way to budget yourself is to list what income you are receiving, then list all of your current bills. If you’re spending more than what you are bringing in (or if you want a little more wiggle room or to be able to save up for something great), you need to go through the list one by one and see where you can cut your spending.
Some things, like your cell phone bill or your cable bill, can often be cut dramatically by making some smart choices. Do you really need unlimited data for thirty dollars more a month, or will the 2GB per month be sufficient? Do you really need the premium movie channels, or is Netflix a better choice?
A good way to save money is to do the five-dollar bill challenge. Each time you receive a five dollar bill, don’t spend it. Instead, put it in away in a storage container (preferably blacked out or so that you can’t see how much is inside to be tempted to spend it!) and at the end of the year, see just how much you can save!
Thank you for your question!
--Allie
December 2016
Dear Allie,
I had a date last week with a cute guy but he had no personality at all. Now that the date is over, he’s blowing up my cell phone, and leaving totally indecent texts. How do I break it to him that I’m just not that into him?
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-Just Not That Into Him
Dear Just Not That Into Him,
The best policy is always honesty. If you don't like him, just tell him that you don't think it's going to work out. No sense in wasting either of your time if you don't find his personality (or lack thereof) is compatible with your own. Life is too short to spend it simply avoiding someone in hopes he will get the picture. Despite his good looks, you're just going to have to let him go with the harsh truth.
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-Allie
Dear Allie,
I don't know where to start with this. So I met a guy I really like here on GP and things have been going great, we are so close and talk every day. But I now have a problem. I get extremely jealous and although I haven mentioned this, I cannot help but get jealous everytime I see this guy being kind and caring towards other girls. It hurts and I don't know whether I should take myself out of the equation and step away from him or whether I should just tell him this is upsetting me.
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-Green-Eyed Girl
Dear Green-Eyed Girl,
Jealousy is just human nature, so please don’t feel like it’s just you. Communication is always the first thing to try in any relationship, whether it be friendship or romantic. If you feel you can’t talk to the other person, then chances are, he or she is not for you. If you’ve brought up these concerns and he or she is simply ignoring your feelings, I say it’s time to move on.
However, I encourage you to take a step back and observe the situation from a third party point of view. Is he being kind, or overly flirtatious? You don’t want to keep him from being himself, especially if he is a naturally charming and talkative person to begin with. So just proceed with caution before asking him to change who he is for you, if that’s the case.
I hope that helps. <3
-Allie
November 2016
Dear Allie,
I wanted to ask what you thought about what to do when one has been in many hurtful relationships with regards to being hurt by others who were simply taking advantage of the individual. Such as people dating said individual, only to then turn around in a brief text message and tell that person that they were only dating them in order to make their real significant other jealous, and that since becoming jealous, the sex had been a lot better for them. Also adding into the text that no lady would ever want to date such a pathetic nice guy who has no future in life.
Coupled with not having much success in simply having normal friendships because of the fact that for some reason, I blow things out of proportion and thus appear (unintentionally) to be flirting with members of the site. There is a member of GP whom I do like, but I'm way too scared to approach her on the premise of thinking she would hate me all of a sudden.
Any thoughts on what I can do would be appreciated.
~Nice Guy
Dear Nice Guy,
First of all, the individual you mentioned that broke up via text so that they could get back together with their ex, is delusional. Things obviously didn't work out the first time, and it probably won't work out the next time either, but I digress.
Second of all, you're not pathetic. Everyone is special in their own way and deserves their own kind of love. Life is about changes; changes in ourselves, changes in the people around us, and even changes in our environment and the overall situations of our lives. Never give up on love, because it is something precious and the one thing in life that is worth fighting for.
Now, about this person that you like here on GP, my best advice would be to listen to your heart. If you feel it's the right time, then I say go for it. If you feel that you should wait, then wait. Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to any third party in the situation as to when the appropriate time to bring up your feelings would be. All I can say is, treasure every moment, and if it doesn't work out, then she is not the one for you. Your special person will come along. They always do.
~Allie
Dear Allie,
How to get that annoying song out of my head that has been haunting me all day?
~Musical Loop
Dear Musical Loop,
I know that having a song stuck in your head all day can be a real pain! What usually works for me is to listen to the song completely, and then give my mind a challenge, whether it be some math problems, a puzzle or crossword, or even writing a roleplaying reply! That usually does the trick for me. Let me know if that helps!
~Allie
October 2016
by Allie
As we begin this adventure together, I wanted to take a moment to welcome everyone new and old to Guilty Pleasures. The goal for this section in the future is to take your questions and input and deliver it back to you guys; in other words, to allow you, my dear readers, to be able to control what we discuss. It can be roleplay related, family, work, current events, or really just about anything. I will take each question and handle it with care. So please, feel free to reach out to me any time.
So since this is our first week together, I figured I could ask you, my fellow roleplayers, what exactly it is that brings you back day after day to Guilty Pleasures. For myself, Guilty Pleasures is a place I can feel free to be myself. From the moment I signed up to this very minute I have had nothing but love and support from those around me. I’ve created friendships that I am sure will last for years to come. That seems to be a common theme among those willing to answer the question: “What does Guilty Pleasures mean to you?”
“What is Guilty Pleasures Role Playing to me? It is my second home. Well, not really. My main home, the best home that I could ever have and I'm grateful to be here,” says Synthenix. He goes on to say that Guilty Pleasures is a place where he can express himself and his creativity and his emotions through not only roleplaying, but the site in general. That seems to be a common answer between all of my interviewees, including Vanity, who has been a member of Guilty Pleasures since December of 2015.
From staff and members alike, it seems that from the moment they joined, they could tell that Guilty Pleasures was something special. xWickedBlackLace, founder of the website, can be happy to know that her vision for the site have thus far been met. When asked why she felt that the site was a success overall, she answered that the diversity of both the writers and their passions alike.
"I decided to intertwine the idea of a social network as well as a safe haven for writers... Everybody deserves a chance to succeed, give feedback, and become involved with the success of the site as a whole. We couldn't do this without the writers. We wouldn't do this without the writers."
The freedom that comes with Guilty Pleasures is also another high point on the list, like with SolStar007, "It lets me shed my mortal form... I can enjoy 'letting loose' the cold strands on reality and embrace the 'warmth' of fiction writing".
But one thing is for sure, the community and family feel of Guilty Pleasures is one that is unmatched by any other website. From the moderators and admins having real concern for all members on the site, to the true passion and love for writing by all members, this site has easily become everyone's online home, because everyone knows that individually, we all have a part of what is going on in this community we've created together, and that although we may not always see eye to eye all the time, we can fix anything. One final message from our loving founder and admin:
"Everybody has a role in the heart of GP. If you're feeling down, you have a suggestion, or just feel like you're not being heard, please contact me. I'll fix anything. All you have to do is give me the opportunity. Thank you to my members of past and present for making this site what it is." --xWickedBlackLace
Until next time,
--Allie
"My main home, the best home that I could ever have and I'm grateful to be here.”
~Synthenix
GP's Welcoming Committee
"...Thank you to my members of past and present for making this site what it is."
~xWicked BlackLace
GP Founder